One of my favorite Christmas movies growing up was I’ll Be Home for Christmas with Jonathan Taylor Thomas. That scene where he waits outside the window watching his family and you can actually see the love has always made me choke up. The music. The lighting. Just everything. I always dreamt of when my son would come home for Christmas. Even as a teenager, I thought about that day years down the road and just knew I would be so excited to see him.
And then last year we were planning for this year with Will. And in my mind, I went 30 years down the road to him coming to our house with his family.
And here we sit tonight, riding down the road and I’ll be Home for Christmas comes on. The lump in my throat grows to those puddles of tears streaming down my face and Coy grabbing my hand again and letting me have my pity party. Then halfway through the song, God placed His hand on my heart, almost literally, and just gave me a peace.
I never get to see him grow, fall in love, marry, and everything in between. But, I’m here with my family and we are celebrating the Christmas season. We celebrated Thanksgiving with thankful and joyful hearts, but with an empty seat at the table. And we will continue to celebrate. That seat will always be there. And I’ll always wonder what would have been. But I don’t have to wonder where he is.
Will isn’t here for Christmas. He never will be. He is HOME for Christmas. Every single Christmas, my baby is home. I get to live this earthly life without him now, but I know that he is celebrating Christmas everyday and eventually we will celebrate together.
I truly hope if you are sitting with an empty seat, you have the joy of Christmas in your heart. It doesn’t mean you won’t have those hard moments, but ask God to give you the peace. He will continue to guide you through the unknown and give grace when you need it most. My prayer is that he covers me and my family in it this season, I know we will need it. Every single day I pray that He covers us in grace like He did in the hospital that day when we gave Will back to Him.
Merry Christmas season!