This is my favorite time of year, November and December. Well, they used to be. And they still are, I just have to keep reminding myself of that. Everyday is so blah. Over and over in my head has been the 3rd verse of the song, “It’s the holiday season, so whoop-de-do.” And that’s exactly how I feel most days. Whoop-de-freaking-do.
We have always started to decorate in early November because it’s so fun and so pretty and you can enjoy it longer. And I started. Coy put the tree up. And the other tree. And I put out the decorations on the mantle. And then, we got the buckets out of the attic and I thought, okay, I can actually do this. And then we were tired, so we called it a night and watched tv before bed.
So, that leads us to tonight. I started going through buckets. The stocking we found for Will with the puppy sledding was in the first bucket. Cue the tears. And then the little penguin with his name on it from Coy’s parents. More tears. And then the big glass ornament to start his collection from my parents. It was too much. I fell on my knees and wept. Like, nasty, crazy weeping. Coy came and sat by me and held me. He always is there holding me. And letting me cry and crying with me.
And then I realized that I’ve been approaching the holiday season all wrong. God didn’t send His Son so I could put all the pretty stuff in the house, shop til it makes me a little crazy, and to listen to all the fun little carols. HE came so that we may live. And live abundantly. Y’all, I’ve known this my whole life, but it makes sense now. So much sense. He came so that when Will was born and lived his perfect 52 hours here, there would be something after this life.
Luke 19:10 “For the Son of man came to seek and to save the lost.” That’s why Christmas exists. That’s why Jesus came. That’s the meaning of everything! Christmas exists to give joy.
This would have been our first Christmas as parents. We should have been having so much fun and seeing the wonder through our baby’s eyes. It would have been magical. But, I know his every second is magical. I can’t even begin to imagine how his day to day is in Heaven. And then multiply Heaven by Christmas! Sheer JOY! I would love to hear the Hallelujah chorus on Christmas morning in Heaven. So, I’m going to try and enjoy Christmas for what it is. The reason that Will is alive today more than he ever was is because of God’s sacrifice of His Son.
So if you see me this season, I might be smiling. Or I might be crying. Or I could just look a little crazy! But just know that whatever my earthly emotions are showing, please know I have the joy of Jesus deep down in my heart. I hope everyday to show that joy. That’s why I share our pain. Because of His love for us, I know one day I won’t have anything to be sad about.
I also know that it’s gonna be a hard time. It will be sad and so full of emotion. So pray for us. Pray for our whole family. I know that I talk about mostly me and Coy, but there is a huge hole in everyone else’s heart too. Life will never be the same. Now we can look forward to Heaven when we are all reunited. And there won’t be anything but everlasting JOY!